Between a rock and a hard place!

Honestly just feeling so stuck at the moment. I hate living here, but the thought of moving again just fills me with dread and anxiety. I don’t know what to do for the best anymore. The schools around here suck too, so I don’t really want to send my daughter to any of them…. ugh. It’s all so crap right now. I don’t know whether getting my mental health back on track will sort out the living issue or not. I just feel so isolated and far away from family, that it doesn’t help my mental health at all. I find it really hard getting out and about on my own, facing baby and toddler groups seems beyond me at the moment. The thought of meeting new people just makes me anxious and not want to do it. I have all these plans to go to this, that or the other group, then it comes to the day, and I bottle it. Every single time. I feel bad for my daughter though, as we’re at home every day, doing the same things, and nothing remotely exciting or different. I feel like the worlds worst mother right now. I utterly suck at it.

I don’t think my husband really wants to pack up and move again either. We did it twice last year, and that was beyond stressful. The first time I was heavily pregnant, and then the second time we had our daughter. So to be thinking about it again so soon is kinda mad really. But I don’t know if it may be better long-term for my mental health…. If we could go back to the area in which we lived before the first move, I’d be able to go back to my amazing GP, that totally understood me, and to be honest probably knew me better than I know myself! He could see through me, read between the lines, and always knew exactly what to say or do to make things okay again. Whereas now, my current GP is just…. crap. She’s nice enough as a person, but I just don’t connect with her at all. She’s just another face in the system, and not someone I could honestly fully open up to. Whereas my old GP, I could literally tell him anything and everything, there was a great doctor/patient relationship, and without him, I wouldn’t be sat here now. He truly did save my life. I did message the practice, and they’ve passed on a message to him and have said that he’ll likely get in touch with me. I really hope so. I have read that since 2015, patients have the right to choose which GP they see and that most practices now take on out-of-area patients. So that’s something I may look into. I don’t even care that I’d have to travel by car or bus to get there, it would be worth it, just to be properly looked after and have a GP who actually gives a shit.

Speaking of GP’s, I saw mine again this afternoon. Seemed totally pointless, as I told her that I ended up at the hospital yesterday and that they’ve now fast-tracked my referral, and she then just didn’t seem to be all that bothered. Basically said to wait and see what happens at my assessment on Monday, and booked me in again to see her next Thursday. Said she wasn’t going to do anything with my medication because they’ll review that when they assess me. So, basically, I’m to keep taking the medication (or as I like to call them, tic tacs because they’re doing fuck all), and wait it out until Monday. Obviously, in the meantime, I can call if I need her, and there’s the crisis team as well for out of hours if needed. I just hope it doesn’t come to that….

On a positive note (SHOCKING!), I survived the day flying solo with my daughter; as hubby went back to work today. I was on edge most of the day though, counting down the hours until he’d be home. But I literally took it minute by minute, and kinda went with the flow and hoped for the best. Overall, the little lady wasn’t too much trouble, had her moments of course, but we got through it. 1 and a half more days to go…. (it’s his weekend to work, annoyingly, such bad timing…).

Do have a friend popping over tomorrow though, so hopefully, that will help, as it means I won’t be on my own for so much of the day. He’s a good friend, who is also struggling a bit with mental health problems, so perhaps we can help each other! Have known him for many, many years, so will be good to chill out with him. And also the car seat may turn up, which will be awesome.

Right, gonna call it a night, bloody exhausted as per usual. Can’t wait to crawl into bed soon…. G’night x

 

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1 minute at a time….

So, today, after much umming and ahhing and toying with the idea of calling the crisis team…. we went out for a walk (hubby, daughter and me). I’d barely spoken much since getting up, and hubby kept asking what was up. Obviously, he knows of my struggles at the moment but said that it seemed I was far worse this morning than I had been previously. I kept saying nothing, as to be honest, I really do not know exactly what is up right now. Other than it certainly not being my mood that’s up. Anyway, we walked in silence, mostly, aside from our daughter’s excited squeals every time a bus went past…. she’s utterly obsessed with buses at the moment, not sure why. As we went down one particular road, I felt suddenly compelled to go down to the “hospital”. I use the term hospital, for want of a better word, as it’s not actually a hospital, it’s just a place where you see psychiatrists etc. But, I stopped walking. Hubby stopped and asked if I was alright. So I said no, I need to see someone, now. He knew exactly where I meant, so we hit the pedestrian crossing button, and waited to cross. In that moment, my head was spinning and my heart was racing. Not knowing what was going to happen next. I felt positively sick. But knew I needed to be somewhere safe.

When we got there, we went through the doors and up to the reception desk. The familiar face of one of the receptionists looked up, smiled and asked how she could help. So I explained that I’d come in on the off chance that I could maybe speak to someone, instead of ringing the crisis team. She made a few calls, went off, came back, and said that a letter had been sent offering me an assessment appointment. For 2nd of October! She was then trying to fob me off, saying “do you think that’ll do, knowing you’ve got an appointment?” and rather than cause a scene, I just nodded and she said she’d go and print the letter off, in case I didn’t get the one through the post. Whilst she was doing that, my psychologist came into the reception/waiting area, saw me there, and came over. I’d emailed her on Monday, telling her about my current struggles, so I think she guessed why I was there. I told her that I was being fobbed off by the receptionist and that I was about to leave, feeling worse than I had done on going in. So she said to hold on, that she’d go speak to the team and see what she could do.

A few minutes passed, the receptionist came back with the aforementioned letter, and I told her that the psychologist was sorting things out for me. She looked a bit grumpy about it, but I didn’t care. She’s lucky I didn’t shout at her, to be honest. Anyway, my psychologist reappeared, said she’d spoken to a few people and that I could go with her for a chat. So off we went. I won’t go into everything that was said, as I’d be here all night, but I’ll cover the basics – she’d managed to bring forward my assessment appointment from 2nd October to Monday next week. As she said it was imperative that I got back into the system and back on track as soon as possible. She said based on what I’d previously said via email and the fact that I was there this morning, that she needed to assess my “risk factor”. To ensure the safety of not only myself but that of my daughter as well. I was honest and said that yes, I’ve had fleeting thoughts of suicide, but none of which I would act upon. My daughter needs her mummy, and my husband needs his wife. Even if I’m quite frankly useless to either of them at the moment….

We discussed a few options that may be available to me and said that the appointment on Monday would the see a plan put in place to get me back on track. She said the wellbeing plan that I’d written with the peer support worker, was far too basic and needs re-doing with someone else asap. That my current medication needed closely monitoring and potentially changing, due to the fact that someone with Bipolar should not just be treated with an anti-depressant alone, due to the risk of sending them manic. I knew this anyway, and I guess a part of me had hoped it may send me a little bit high, just to lift the depression. I know how dangerous either state can be though, so it was a stupid thought on my part. But sometimes when you just feel that low and hopeless like I have of late, you long for any type of release from that feeling, even if it does pose further risk.

I was in with her quite some time, talking about various things, and whilst it didn’t really help the here and now, it does give me something to focus on, in that I’ve got an appointment to start putting things right again. It’s going to a long 4 days between now and then though, and hubby is going back to work tomorrow. To say I’m nervous is an understatement, and my anxiety is sky high. But I have zero choice or say in the matter, so have just got to get on with it. Hence my post title tonight – one minute at a time – as that’s how I’m living at the moment. I can’t go any further than that, if I do, it makes things worse. Living minute to minute helps slow down the thoughts in my head, and makes them less overwhelming, to a degree anyway. At points, I just want to break down into tears with everything going on in my head, but I push through it and can briefly take back the control.

Inside of my head is not a nice place to be right now.

So, I shall carry on and try to keep going, somehow. Because I have to. I’m a mother now, and with that comes a whole new level of responsibility. I need to get better for her more than anything.

G’night X

 

 

Fail. *warning: lots of swearing*

Feel like a total failure today; I didn’t even last an hour on my own. Hubby left for work at 7.20am, arrived at work about 7.45am. I said I wasn’t coping and needed him. He spoke to his boss, and left work at 8am, was home by 8.25am. In that time all I’d managed was to get our daughter up, change her nappy, make a bottle and feed her. That’s it. And I couldn’t cope. How fucked up is that?! I’m meant to be a mother for fuck sake. I should be able to cope with simple shit like that without falling apart or having a meltdown. But nope, I couldn’t. The thought of how I was going to get through the day made me feel physically sick. My anxiety was sky high and I felt so low and overwhelmed that I just couldn’t do it. I absolutely feel rubbish about it. I hate being so reliant on other people, well my husband, as that’s all I’ve got. But still, it sucks. I want to be in control of how I feel, and be able to live life like a normal 30 something mother. And not be beaten day in, day out, by my fucked up mental health. Fuck off Bipolar, you’re a twat. Fuck off depression, you’re an arsehole.

I HATE BEING LIKE THIS.

I can’t even…. ugh. I’m going to stop writing. G’night x (sorry)

 

Meh.

Been a ‘meh’ kinda day today…. had its ups and downs really. At points I felt okay, then I’d have points where I didn’t feel okay at all. Like right now. I feel so far from okay as I could be. Probably because I’m tired now, been quite a full on day.

My mum came over this morning, followed by my stepdad around lunch time. Faking happy is exhausting. Although my mum knows I’m back on medication and been feeling rubbish of late, but I still, for some unknown reason, felt I had to put on a front today. Especially in front of my stepdad. By the time they left around 3 ish, I felt utterly wiped out and just wanted to sleep. But I didn’t think I really had the time to, as the little lady was down for a nap and usually only has an hour, up to an hour and a half tops. But today, typically, she had over 2 hours!! Always the way when I don’t get to nap as well. We had a good night last night though, got a solid 8 hours sleep, so did feel a bit more awake this morning. But like I say, by the time my mum and stepdad had been and gone, I felt just as tired as I did before that good sleep.

Then tonight, I’m just feeling low and fed up, especially at the realisation that it’s Sunday tomorrow, so only 1 day left with hubby at home, then he’s back to work. For a full week too, and half day Saturday. So it’s 6 early starts, 5 and a half days flying solo with the little lady, and my anxiety soars just at the thought. After Wednesday was so so bad, I’m dreading my husband leaving for work on Monday morning. I feel physically sick, and wish it didn’t have to happen. When he’s home, the pressure is taken off me and whilst I can’t fully relax, it’s not so full on as it is when I’m on my own. It’s the little things, like being able to leave the room without a little shadow or go to the loo without eyes on me. Doesn’t sound like much, but when it’s day in, day out, it gets a bit wearing, to be honest. I love my little girl so much, but I do need some time out sometimes.

I was planning on having a bath this evening too but just didn’t have the energy to do it. Hopefully, I’ll get the chance tomorrow.

1 good thing has come out of today, and taken away some stress, is that my stepdad is going to buy the new car seat we desperately need for the little lady. It’s £375, so there was no way we could have afforded it ourselves. The original plan was to go halves for it, but they’ve now said they’ll get it, on the deal that we start saving for the next one, so we can get that ourselves. Which is fair enough, and to be honest, I’m frustrated that we didn’t do it for this one. At the age of 32, I should be totally independent now, and not reliant on people bailing me out. We’ve always been shit with money though, have been in and out of debt many times, and haven’t ever managed to put any money away in savings. We’ll have been together 14 years next month, so you’d think we’d have gotten our acts together by now…. so, with that said, I have set up a standing order, for £10 per month, to go into the savings account. If I have anything more spare each month, then I might chuck that in as well, or into my daughters account maybe. Or better still, say I’ve got £20 spare, stick £10 in our savings and £10 in hers. If we quit smoking, we’ll be able to do that a lot easier!! Watch this space I guess….

2 days into the 40mg dosage of the anti depressants, and it’s causing restless legs like the last medication did. Which is frustrating, as I’ve been on this medication in the past and don’t remember it ever causing that. Ugh. Wish I didn’t have to take anything at all 😦

Anyway, think that’s all from me tonight, can’t focus anymore. G’night x

Going backwards….

So, saw my GP.

Anti depressants dosage doubled from 20mg to 40mg and urgent referral back to the mental health team. So most likely will get an appointment with my CPN or Psychiatrist. We shall see I guess. My GP said she hoped they’d contact me within a week, and I’m back to see her again next Thursday as well.

Basically, am going backwards. Again. And it pisses me off. Sick of my mental health taking control so often. Why can’t it fuck off and leave me alone?! I just want to be happy and live my life; is that too much to ask? I have an amazing little girl, a husband that adores me, friends, family, a roof over my head, food in my tummy and clothes on my back. Why the fuck am I just not happy?? Why is life so fucking hard to tolerate? Why why why why why. I hate being low and suicidal 24/7. It doesn’t help that it’s coming up to autumn and winter, nights are pulling in, the weather is shit most days, and I’m stuck at home day in, day out. Everyone else has their own lives and things to do, and I rarely see anyone. The only interaction I have is via Facebook or text. And even that right now I can’t really be bothered with because I just don’t feel like talking to anyone. I don’t want to bring people down with my shitty mood. I have zero motivation to go anywhere or do anything anyway, so there’s no point making plans. No one will come to see me either, I’m just not important enough. At least that’s how it feels anyway.

I feel it’s going to be an unsettled night, as my baby is poorly with a cold and is over tired from only napping for 10 minutes all day, so is struggling to stay asleep. She just wants me when she wakes too; screamed even more when my husband tried to settle her. She had a temperature so we gave her some calpol, which I think is working now, so fingers crossed it won’t be too bad. I desperately need to sleep. Am so tired. Am literally drained, emotionally, mentally, physically…. no life left in me whatsoever. Taking the doubled dose of my medication has knocked me for six as well. Feeling somewhat spaced out and weird. Eyes keep crossing and am struggling to focus. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep for a month, and wake up feeling good again. But I know that’s not an option. 4 or 5 hours a night, if I’m lucky, is just simply not enough for me anymore. I’ve survived on very little sleep since the end of pregnancy, so a good year and a half, if not longer. It’s definitely taken its toll now and I’m destroyed. Totally, utterly, broken. Kaput. Dysfunctional. Fucked.

Oh well…. enough whinging from me for tonight. G’night x

B R O K E N

Yup. That’s how I am right now. Totally, utterly, BROKEN.

I’m tired. So very tired. I don’t think I’ll ever not be tired. It’s part of who I am now….

I don’t actually know what to do for the best right now either. I’m seeing my GP tomorrow, but I’m not holding out much hope for her being of any use. I contemplated calling the crisis team a few times today, but bailed it every time. It’s not like I could have gone and seen anyone in a hurry anyway, so what was the point? And the chances of a home visit were slim to none. Sooooo…. I just carry on, right? Hmm. Yeah, right.

Didn’t make it to the baby group either, after being up at 3.45am, then was taking a nap at the time we should have been there. Can’t say I’m really all that fussed. Was probably shit anyway.

Ugh, am done. Night x

1 more day….

Just 1 more day to get through, then it’s a 4 day holiday for me and my little family! Not going anywhere, but it’ll just be nice to spend the time together. It doesn’t happen often, other than weekends of course, but they seem to fly by. So 4 solid days will be ace.

I’m beyond exhausted; I know I say it every day, but it’s just getting worse and worse. I usually nap when the little lady does in the afternoon, but today and the last 3 days I haven’t. So it’s taking it’s toll on me somewhat. I just feel so tired and ache from head to toe. I don’t think there’s a part of me that doesn’t ache to be honest. Feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I’m hoping it is just tiredness and not the start of something like a cold. Would be just my damn luck to get ill just as we have a break together. I suppose at least I won’t have to worry about struggling on my own whilst poorly, but not really how I want to spend the 4 days! I want to enjoy some quality time with my 2 favourite people.

My mental health is rather rocky right now too. I’m guessing it’s because I’m just so exhausted. Will discuss with my GP on Thursday and see what she reckons. I’m worried that there’s something bubbling under the surface health wise though, as I just don’t feel well these days. Not sure what it is, but just don’t feel right. Since pregnancy, I’ve been so much more in tune with my body, and just have this feeling something is wrong. Maybe I’m just overthinking it, I don’t know. Health anxiety has a lot to answer for….

I don’t know if I may need my medication dosage increased though, as it still doesn’t really feel like it’s making much of a difference. I’m not sure if even changing to another one may help perhaps. It’s hard to judge, to be honest. In an ideal world, I wouldn’t need medication at all. The 3 or so months I lasted med free was great and I was feeling really proud of myself. Then it all came crashing down around my ears, and I think the disappointment in myself outweighed the depression at one point. I wish I could live medication free forever, but deep down I know it’ll never happen. A few months break here and there is a good achievement though I suppose…. although, it then takes an age for medication to become effective again if things go wrong. Anti-depressants etc take 3-4 weeks to get into your system and start working; wish they worked quicker, like pain killers!

My anxiety is pretty high tonight, as I’ve been thinking about going to a parent and child group tomorrow morning at the children’s centre. There’s a part of me that really wants to go and knows that I should, but then there’s the other part of me, screaming not to do it. Plus, if the weathers bad, I don’t much fancy trekking out and getting soaked. We’re meant to get a really bad storm with torrential rain and high winds, over night and into tomorrow. I guess will see what it’s like in the morning and how I’m feeling, then make the decision.

Right, I think I’m going to call it a night on this now. I’ve got a couple of people to check up on on the MH Facebook group too, so g’night all x

 

100% Mombie!

I am utterly exhausted, and officially living up to the name of my blog! I know I always say I’m tired, is nothing new really, but tonight I’m feeling particularly done in. Could quite happily crawl into bed already…. but alas, I’m “working” and until missy drops her midnight bottle of milk, there’s really no point in early nights. That day will come though no doubt, as my baby is getting less and less like a baby every day…. she’s getting so independent, trying to do so many things for herself now, it’s a beautiful but bittersweet thing to see. Obviously, I can’t stop her growing up, but I’d love to slow down time just a little bit. She tries to help me with some things, which is so sweet. Like when she’s had a nappy change, she picks up the bag and walks to the gate on the lounge door, and looks at me to open it. So I do, and she carefully steps over the bottom bit and goes through to the kitchen and puts it in the bin! It’s become a bit of a routine now, it’s so sweet. Yesterday she tried to help me with the laundry too, although spent more time sitting in the washing basket watching me, than actually helping haha. But still, it was lovely all the same. I’m so proud of her, and the days where I feel so totally overwhelmed and like I’m not doing this mum thing very well, I only have to look at her and see I’m doing okay. She’s happy, healthy and growing into a wonderful little person. I’m by no means perfect, and I never aspire to be, because no such thing exists. But I will always, always do my best for her, putting her needs first over anything and anyone. She’s my world, and I truly adore being her mummy. I feel lucky and blessed each and every day, that I have such a beautiful daughter to call my own.

Anyway, before I start crying I’ll move on! (Tiredness makes me so much more emotional!).

This weekend has been really good though, and I’m feeling so content and happy tonight. Wishing it wasn’t the end of the weekend though already, but the saving grace is that it’s only a 3 day week, as hubby is off work Thursday and Friday, so we get a 4 day weekend, always a winner! We’ve had so much fun as a family though, and despite being so damn tired, it’s been totally worth it. We took a drive to the In Car Safety Centre today, to look at and discuss car seats, as little lady is pretty much outgrown her current one (the one she’s had since birth!). Found the perfect one for us, but now need to try and find £375 to buy it!! But in my opinion, it’s totally worth that money. You can’t put a price on your child’s safety, and it ticks all the boxes for what we need and more. It allows us to keep her rear facing for longer, it swivels to make it easier getting her in and out and reclines when she falls asleep. And that’s just 3 of the features it has. It’s a brilliant seat and will last her until she’s 4 years old.

On the way home we had a naughty McDonalds, but after skipping breakfast it totally hit the spot haha. Little lady had 3 chicken nuggets and had a great time people watching and shouting at people haha. Was really funny. I love that she can be part of meal times now, both at home and out, and we can do so much more as a family too. She loves being out and about, seeing things, exploring and smiles and waves at anyone who speaks to us/her. It’s awesome.

I can’t help but wonder what having another baby would do to our family dynamic…. I think little lady would make a great big sister, but I do worry that she’d feel jealous or upset if she was no longer the centre of our attention all the time. I grew up as an only child, and at times it was lonely. I didn’t have many friends and spent a lot of time on my own, having to entertain myself at home. I don’t want my sweet girl to feel like I did in those moments. I’m not saying I had a bad childhood; far from it. If anything I was quite spoilt, as I never really wanted for anything. But at the same time, I wonder what it would have been like to have had a brother or sister around too. My husband has an older brother and a younger sister. His brother has 2 children, and his sister has 1 (so far). So I think it’s partly expected of us to have another at some point. Obviously we’ll do what’s right for us, no one else. I’m just anxious and over thinking it probably. With my mental health though, I have to think ahead a bit and try and reason with myself. As I need to be strong and capable for however many children we have, and if it’s only the one, then that’s how it’ll be. I need to be 100% certain in my own mind that it’s not going to be too much for me. It’s always been my dream (if that’s the right word!) though, to get married and have 2 kids. In an ideal world, adding in buying our own home into that as well, but I honestly don’t see that happening anytime soon, if ever. But, the 2 kids, is doable…. we shall see I guess! What will be, will be, as they say. If it’s meant to be, then it will be. If not, then it won’t. Life has a funny way of working out just the way it was meant to, even if we don’t often know the reasons why. Everything happens for a reason, that’s something I’ve believed for a long time. I wouldn’t say I was really religious, but I do have some degree of faith and trust that there is a plan for us all.

Wow I’ve waffled on a fair bit tonight! Over 1000 words, eek! It’s been on and off writing, between seeing to little lady waking up and helping people on the MH group. Being a moderator is going really well so far, am actually enjoying it and finding it’s helping me as well. Fingers crossed after the month trial I get to stay on board going forward too 🙂

Right, really going to stop going on and on now haha. G’night all x

 

Swings and roundabouts….

….quite literally today!

So, today started a little too early for my (and my husbands!) liking – 5.50am!! I’d already been up around 3.20am for little miss, who’d lost her dummy and fave teddy. Then I was suddenly aware of her chatting around 5.45am, so nudged hubby as it was obviously his turn to get up haha. He went through and had no luck settling her back down for more sleep. So I went through, and similarly had no luck either! She was wide awake and very chatty! Hubby and I reluctantly gave in and got her up, and so the day began! We’re not even up that early during the week when hubby is working! So it was kinda tough, to be honest, but hey ho. Is a good job she’s cute!

As we were up I thought I’d get cracking on the laundry to get it out the way (as each load takes just over 3 and a half hours to wash and dry!). By around 9.30am we were all going a bit stir crazy in the house, and as the sun was shining, we decided to head out and take little lady to the park for the first time ever. It was such a fun morning, she loved toddling about, exploring and went on the swing, slide, roundabout, and a weird rocking dinosaur thing! Was so good to see her so happy, smiling, laughing and chatting away enjoying herself. Makes me happy when she’s happy. Is what I live for, to make her happy. After that we went to investigate the local dance studio for future reference (very expensive though!), then went home via Co-op for some lunch. By the time we got home the first load of laundry was ready to come out, so I sorted that and got the second load in, missy had her lunch, as did me and hubby, then she had a nap for an hour or so.

We had planned to head back out for a walk or something this afternoon, but that plan was abandoned due to rain and a thunder storm rumbling around for a good couple of hours haha. But it was okay, as I managed to get caught up on housework and had a lush, un-rushed, hot bath! Felt amazing to just chill out for a bit, albeit it wasn’t much longer than usual for me, but knowing I didn’t have to worry about disturbing a sleeping toddler or needing to rush to get out was awesome. I also weighed myself and have somehow (fuck knows how!) lost 2lb! That’s despite having a massive takeaway and countless chocolate and energy drinks!! So all in all, today was a bloody good day!

It was topped off this evening by being asked to be a group moderator on a mental health group on Facebook. Have been part of the group for a little while now, and it’s generally a really great, supportive group. I did have one encounter with a rather over the top chap though. We’d been chatting on and off for a while, and he sent me a friend request. I decided (foolishly perhaps) to accept, as he seemed okay. However, he then began to send me really inappropriate messages; asking for sex mostly, saying how he didn’t care what I looked like, he’d still have sex with me. To a point, I could handle that side of it, and just kind of passed it off as banter a little bit. But then he took things a step further, as I’d said thanks but no thanks to his persistent offers of sexual encounters. He then said he would kidnap me…. in a jokey way, but to be honest, that’s really not something that anyone should joke about. That was the final straw really; I blocked him and reported him to the admin of the group. He’s been removed now, and it turns out I wasn’t the only woman he’d been messaging in that way too. So it’s good that he’s gone. Mental health support groups have some very vulnerable people in them, so it wasn’t the right place for him at all. I understand he too had mental health problems, but it doesn’t make what he was doing right. It was after this that I was invited to be a moderator on the group, and I agreed, hoping it may potentially help me too…. it’s only for 1 month initially, to see how it goes, and then go from there. It may work out, it may not. But I shall try my best with it and see what happens! Spending a bit of time just getting to know the other admins and mods tonight, which is cool. One of the other mods is a psychologist, and also trained in suicide prevention and crisis support, so I reckon he’s a good one be friends with!

Wow, that early start and non-stop day is really beginning to catch up with me now, so I think I’m going to quit this tonight! We’re off for a car seat consultation tomorrow, so that should be fun haha! Eek, gotta dash, missy is stirring!! X